Waiting

Is its sheer selfishness that each time I am made to wait like this. Why can’t I be released for other things, than to waste my life away like this.

Patience is wearing thin. Not because I can’t go through troubled times but becos of your rude rage and hurtful words towards.Not to be derided every single hour and chided for being me.

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Bb’s arrival

Expected to receive her with a hug after 90min wait, only to be looked at with disdain. Cold distant answers and ill feelings.

Trying to convince myself that it is all worth it.. But I know it is not. Comforted to know that she instinctively wanted to call my home.

Treading on egg shells for the next two weeks. Sigh… Splurge on others and stinge on me..

Consecutive intoxication for 3 days!

Sheesh !! Since when I had drank so much sia.. The last I remembered was probably 2009-2010, to soothe my loneliness.

Acted like some spg on Thursday, loved the conversations with lovely colleagues and of cos celebrating my love for the arts with a bubbly!

Everyday I toggle – defending my choice and doubting my choice. Society is never forgiving, bb is always temperamental and the typical ‘what-ifs’. Maybe, surely , some what, or rather, possibility, hey, sure.

Optic trilogy stimulated some reflection of sort. Looking out, rather than looking close where one could see your own reflection. Had looked through my fb page for the past two years. Lotsa memories flew back and lots of fats were lost and gained.

Never been comfortable with my body since young and I guess it’s now or never again. Looking frumpy is not acceptable at 34 and I do want to fit into my playsuit and that brown dress! Aim to shed some by October and look hot. Aim to not while time away on stupid games. Aim to make a difference in a life called mine, for myself and I.

Ima.

Ps. Hurts me to see divisions amongst the elderly due to pettiness and pride. Ah ma loved all of you.. Sobs..