So much for a decade of love

Went to the car mechanic whom managed to help me lighten the yellow paint scratches on the front due to a bad judgment.

20140331-235051.jpg

Had lunch by myself at one of our fav lunch joints. Feeling a tad sad to be eating with my iPhone as company.
Ordered a steak as a treat.

Went to buy two fans for the house. Carried it up and spent like 4 hours packing and cleaning the house. One that we had chosen, painted and live in for few months. Some lights had gone out. Don’t think I am up to change it, will tell her or tell dad next time.

Swept the car clean and went to supermarket to top up her preferred drinks.

Twelve strikes! Nothing from her. Not even sure if I cross her mind. Cried when I drove back cos I am feeling down and out.

20140331-235555.jpg

20140331-235605.jpg

Advertisements

Happy Anniversary! – I love you, I did and I still do.

Image

In another two days’, it will be our 10th year anniversary.

I had thought about the anniversary gift for my bb since february -a pair of couple rings from tiffany & co, a mont blanc keychain, a rolex watch and a album collage of photographs. Needless to say, she is still angry with me and I am just wrapping myself up in denial. Pretending that it’s still a happy anniversary, one to celebrate my love for her. With or without her. Most preferred with her, but at this stage, it’s beyond my preference as I will never be in control anyway.

2004 – Puppy Love blossoms and I moved in with her probably after less than half a year

2005- Building our love nest and enjoying domestic bliss. We went Hong Kong.

2006 – I changed jobs and she went astray.  We bought a car. Things went in the doldrums.

2007 – She left for overseas assignment. I visited her.

2008 – A year of long distance relationship while we both built our careers. We went Bangkok.

2009 – She dumped me. I was devastated. I worked out and lost over 10kg.

2010 – She returned. We reconnected and lived together in a rented flat.   

2011- After grandma passed away, I had to go paris for work. She came along. 

2012 – We bought our flat. She left for overseas assigment again. Visited her overseas with mum.

2013 – She came back often – 4 times in the whole year. Found our favourite mall in Johor Bahru – KSL city.

2014 – Horrors. I’ve been ignored.

I started this blog last year to document our loving moments so that I can show her and we can reminiscene together. However, it had turned into a ranting ground. A much bigger space than Twitter where I could ink my many thoughts. I do think a lot and feel a lot. I think I am a dreamer – a pretty unrealistic one. There are many nights that I can’t sleep and I relied heavily on my phone to keep me entertained. I feed on social media like a teenager – two facebook accounts, twitter, youtube, wordpress and multiple bookmarks on safari to commentaries, trashy sites, food blogs and more.

I used to keep two blogs on blogspot and they are dormant right now. After creating this blog on wordpress, I love its look and feel and quite enjoyed the many reads from ‘Freshly Pressed’. Leaving comments for those that I could relate to and following those I think i will like to read more. It had kept my bedtime entertained and prompted to attempt to write better. To think thoroughly what I wanted to say, than being a ranter all the time. Life is more than just BB, though I ranked love as one of my top 5 values.

I will be happy if in 2 days’ time, as you realised the importance of the date and I do cross your mind. I really hope that you will be fine again.

Happy Anniversary BB! I love you, for now and for always. (even though you hate me now)

Moments

At that moment, I wondered where are you?

At that moment, I wondered how are you?

At that moment, I wondered what else can I do?

At this moment, I stared at my phone wide-eyed.

At this moment, my heart is aching.

At this moment, you are gone.

Gaps in knowledge

Bb had placed me in cold storage for the past 4 months. After I sent her recommendations for movies that had won the oscars awards, she sent me a barrage of hostile email. The last was quite mellowed and shared the difficulties she had recently experienced – change of boss, resignation of supportive client, death of close colleague and a month-long illness.

I am saddened that I was not able to provide her with emotional support in such times of need and felt worst when I realised where this relationship seems to be heading. It sounds like 2009 is repeating itself and I truly don’t want to go through another nerve wrecking break up. How many times can the same someone just keeps breaking my heart? Because I allowed her to, time and time again.

If time can heal, it should.
If you can love, you should.

This too shall pass. 😔

A brand new March = a brand new me!

Though the invitation for dinner with a colleague sounds tempting, I was bent on getting my aqua workout. Only managed to do a feeble 12 laps within about 45 minutes and swallowed quite a bit of chlorinated water.

Thinking of getting an instructor to learn to swim properly than to keep straining my neck to keep my nose above water. Shall see how these two months pan out first before deciding further.

It’s our 10th year anniversary this 31 March 2014 with the cold and distant bb. On hindsight, I should hath known better than to pick a quarrel with her in those circumstances. She is really unfathomable and this time she is angry for a long time. Not sure if I should still manage a gift or to await her return in April. I am not sure if I could deal with the emotional turmoil when she returns.

Damn. I feel like puking again. Is it the chlorinated water or my dinner or just psychological effects. I need to go.