An assortment of emotions

Can’t quite pinpoint exactly the kind of feelings that I have now.

A sense of rush as I am left with little time to prepare the necessary.

A sense of elation to hear from you again.

A sense of frustration at my own indecisiveness.

A sense of burden as I had to stomach.

A sense of resignation as I come to terms.

Let’s hear what the heart says, cometh wednesday.

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ATM

I am an ATM. Only for withdrawing money. Never depositing. Forever debiting. Besides debiting money, debit my emotions as well. My heart is broken, torn, tattered and will soon be dead.

Despite all that you had done, I thought of you often. Of our happier moments. I kept reminding myself – this too shall pass. I will not look back and I will be deserving loved. But as I got your email, I am now engulfed in tears and sadness.

Why things come to such ? Why you never learn ? I am sure you will blame me again. For cursing your relatives dead which led to your displeasure and then to this Philippines trip. Am I the trigger point? Think again. If you think deeper to my outburst, which is actually a call for attention. I need to beg for attention because it is no longer a given. You would much rather spend your time with others than me. Yet I still hanker after that tiny bit of attention.

Everything mistake I make gets magnified and all that I do are your bestowed privileges. I must be farking blind to be treated so badly for so long and still believing you love me. You don’t. You only love yourself. If you love me, you won’t treat me like that. But I love you still. I love you so much that I lost myself.

Time after time, u get into trouble. When will you ever learn? Just because I never ask for the money to be returned, it’s taken for granted.

The whole wide world is at fault. It’s not. You just took the easy route to blame the world. You will never be satisfied. Never.

I will still help you. Maybe this final time. I had enough. Stop adding to my pain. I need to walk away.

ATM is out of order. Please find another bank.

What did I do wrong ?

Seriously, all these had repeated itself time and time again. Why did I allow myself to keep falling into this trap?

If only I said no. If only I not ask again.

If only. If only. But why me ?

It’s clear for all to see. Just not me.

When someone tells it to your face. ‘Except for the money I still owe you, I have no more feelings for you’.

I said ‘thanks for telling me’ and then person can retort with ‘you are welcome’.

What is there more to say?

It’s over, babe! Stop looking back and move on. She is not worth it.

Stop getting your heart trampled time and time again.

MovešŸ’ƒ