A prayer for myself

Evasive and finger pointing pig !
You knew what I was getting at and you chose to brush it off.

Maybe you will write another email to yourself and reveal your true feelings again.

Am I at fault for questioning you on what I read in September against the current you in October ? I don’t know.

I regret not sending the whole Watsapp message to my email and not settling things that night. I felt being used for the whole of September.

Though I tried to be closer to you yesterday, a lot of scary thoughts were in my head. Those of your sweet nothings with that honey trapper. Perhaps you had realized your mistake and eradicated all evidence.

You cannot just turn around and start screaming down at me when it was clearly your fault all along. All these years, I tolerated your misdemeanors and saved you time after time. Ain’t these merits that you should focus on ? Yet you are always quick to point out my shortcomings. My lack of mindfulness is a virtue, for anyone else won’t have tolerated all these shit.

You may blame me for ripping open your raw wound but did you notice my bleeding heart? It bled for you for the longest time accompanied by the constant longing and sadness.

You will never understand and you will always think you are right. Continue being cold and unhappy if you want. Harp on being alone because you chose to shut me out.

Stop being so self righteous about not cheating on me. You did and had no guts to admit. Choosing to lie so that you can act as a loftier person in front of me. One day, I will show you evidence and let’s see what you have to say.

Sadly so,
Stricken by heartache and sorrow,
a betrayed spouse who had to tolerate emotional blackmail,
verbal abuse
and the silent treatment.
Amen, I pray for my pathetic self.

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