At my loneliest and saddest

Today I felt like killing myself. Because I am feeling very down and out. Ostracized by my family and emotionally abused by the love of my life. Once again, I was being banished to consume my food in the room by the Mongster. After that, I was told to close the bedroom door because I was creating a din with my packing.

I felt devalued through and through. I don’t understand why am I being treated in such a way. Does it feel good to treat your loved one like dirt? Does it feel good to stay angry and keep meting out the silent treatment? Is it me at all?

For once, I felt enthusiastic to complete my home. One that I can stay alone and be free from all these pain. One that we once wanted to build with love and passion – ceased to exist anymore. It is just me and myself. I need to learn to take care of myself. To be independent – to buy my own car and my own furnishings. Never depend on others whose self-interests come first. Who never ever appreciate and only pays lip service when it comes to payment. Someone who buys friendship and kinship. Someone who don’t even give me the basic respect of a human being. Continue shouting at me… Just keep hurting me. This well of tears will dry soon.

I ll be strong. For myself and I.

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2 thoughts on “At my loneliest and saddest

  1. Ever wonder how it ended up like this? How you could have allowed someone to treat you this way? And, if you don’t mind me asking, how can you be sure they love you back if they treat you as less than dirt?

    • Because I love the person a lot and she does show signs of love from time to time. Doting on me and treating my parents well. It is during her moody and bad temper moments that she truly isolate me and criticise me with very harsh words.

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